29 Weeks - Looking Back

Today, I am officially 29 weeks pregnant!!! It also happens to be the exact day in my pregnancy with Ellie that I had an emergency c-section. So far, no signs of needing to deliver baby girl #2 today (or anytime soon) and we are incredibly grateful and excited! 11 weeks early is just too early, especially for Ellie who was more like a 25 week baby due to intrauterine growth restriction or IUGR (basically means that the amniotic fluid was low and Ellie wasn't getting the nutrients she needed).

At my 28 week appointment, the doctors discovered that Ellie wasn't growing as she should. I had noticed a decrease in movement and reported it earlier but it was my first viable pregnancy (had a miscarriage before) so I didn't know if I was being paranoid or what. The nurse practitioner must have picked up on my uncertainty and didn't seem freaked out by it so nothing more was said/done. Due to the AV canal heart defect diagnosis, they were already giving me level II ultrasounds every 3 to 4 weeks so that was "comforting". Anyways, at the 28 week appointment, the Doc said I needed to go to the hospital right away - he actually said, "It's time for you to go down to my house." We were like "huh?" Then he said, "The big house." Again, "huh?" Then, "Go to the mother ship". Finally, "Go to the hospital." Oh! Okay! We joke about it now but it was really confusing at the time! So, we went to the hospital where they admitted me for the weekend (I was supposed to conduct in a couple choral concerts - the assistant dir. took over for me thankfully). They gave me a couple steroid shots to help Ellie's lungs in case she needed to be born early. I am now so grateful for those shots because I think they really helped her avoid many lung issues that preemies have.

They sent me home to be on modified bed rest (which drove me completely crazy) and had me come in every other day for a biophysical profile test. The doctor still said I could conduct in another upcoming concert the following weekend so on that day, at exactly 29 weeks, I got ready for the concert but had another scheduled biophysical profile beforehand so I went to the perinatologist in concert attire! They concluded that Ellie would do better outside of the womb verses inside (normally, it's always better to stay inside so things were really bad) so they called Children's in Minneapolis and had me go straight there for an emergency c-section. It was terrifying. Matt was with his co-workers at a service project and I couldn't get in touch with him. Finally, his work was able to contact him and he got there a little bit before the c-section....thankfully!

During the c-section, Matt filmed a bit of it (at least my hair was nice, right?). I remember trying really hard to smile and be happy but I was having an anxiety attack inside. My chest tightened, I panicked and I just wanted to get out of there! I felt the physical tugging and pulling of the surgery but not serious pain. I didn't get to hold Ellie for a couple days because they needed to get her hooked up right away to IV's and monitors. However, soon after they pulled her out and got her stabilized they wheeled my bed beside her incubator and said I could touch her but I was so afraid to because she was so tiny. Preemies don't like being rubbed so my favorite way of touching her became putting my one finger in her tiny hand...I still love holding her hand today and we do it a lot, even while she's eating. :) After many ups and downs, Ellie came home 106 days later and it was a big celebration although we were too nervous to actually celebrate!!! :)

It's amazing how time can help heal the emotional and physical wounds from traumatic experiences. Ultimately, I know we have been healed and incredibly comforted because of the atonement of Jesus Christ. There were many times that I felt completely alone but looking back I now see that the Lord was carrying me (like the "Footprints" poem). Angels literally surrounded us during that time in the form of nurses (Allie, Pam & Patricia), doctors (Gremmels, Moga & Payne), family (both in and out of town), and friends (Hafemans, neighbors, co-workers, church members, from all over). I've since learned that the amazing doctor, Dr. Burrus, who performed the c-section died in a car accident at the airport (he commuted from L.A.) about a year after she was born. I definitely don't think he was only sent here to deliver Ellie but I can't help but think that delivering her was one of his many missions in life and I am so grateful. He was so nice and encouraging and all of the doctors commented at what a good job he did during the procedure and with the incision. Having Ellie was a miracle and miracles continue to happen with her all the time. We are so grateful for her and the sweet spirit she continues to bring into our home.

Here's a sweet picture of our little miracle with daddy's ring on her wrist: